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Desert Dominion NewsletterPrevious Issues: October 2001 • September 2001 • June 2001 In this issue
Negotiation...from the bottomThe last Seminar was on Negotiation. This is probably the most underrated step of any of the steps in the BDSM dance. How can you be sure the person(s) that you are attracted to are capable of giving you what you want, if you don't tell them what you want? How can they be sure that you can give them what they want, if they don't tell you what that is? Some people find it very easy to be open and honest about what they need in a partner or partners, while others have a lot of difficulty with it. Yet, unless all concerned are open and honest about their desires, all will be disappointed in some way. Due to our makeup, bottoms usually seem to have less difficulty with coming right out and saying what we need. Tops, again due to their makeup, have more difficulty. Seems it would be the other way around, doesn't it? We bottoms are not insensitive to the fact that tops are the most caring of people. Good tops are also more perceptive than most. Perhaps the reason tops don't say what they need very often is that we bottoms don't ask. Then again, there is the mystique that we will perceive their needs and fulfill them without talking about it. I wish that were true! I think most of us really care for our partner(s). For most of us, our pleasure is also bound up in the pleasure we give. Let us face it: For the most part, bottoms are not as perceptive as tops. I've worked with tops who seemed able to read my mind. I am not as perceptive as that. I hate to admit it, but I am not as caring as the tops I've worked with. Including myself, I suspect most bottoms, need to be told what our tops need from us. In detail. And in simple terms, so we can understand. Please. After the seminar, I found my dance card full to overflowing for the September party. With one D/s scene and two S/M scenes, I was in orbit. But there was something missing. The only scene where I was fairly certain what my Top wanted was the D/s scene. I was not sure exactly what my S/M Tops really needed. I hope they were satisfied with the results, but I don't know. I would like to thank all three Tops from the bottom of my heart, and beg their forgiveness if they did not get better than they gave. (I really think three scenes in one night are too many. The tops have to worry too much about saving the bottom for someone else. Not fair to the tops.)
In the sunlight of the real world
A Bottom’s Top 10 Reasons Not To Get Killed In A Scene10. It adversely affects your family and friends. 9. Your top has to live with the guilt for the rest of his/her life. 8. Even if you signed a consent form, your top may be charged with murder. 7. The newspapers will drag the BDSM Community through the mud. Again. 6. It scares the hell out of the BDSM Community. 5. It irritates the police. 4. It adversely affects your employment. 3. You are not going to be much fun to play with. Most tops require at least a minimal response from their bottoms. 2. Necrophiles are rarer than tops and tops that are also necrophiles are rarer still. This severely limits your potential partners. 1. It is very difficult to enjoy a scene when you are dead, and cannot feel. Book Report on Different Lovingby Master Indigo
Different Loving: The world of sexual dominance and submission,
by Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, & Jon Jacobs 1993, Villard Books
p. 539.
There have been many books printed about our subculture. Most of them are
merely trying to cash in on the "new and hot" topic. Some of them are an honest
but misguided attempt to explain something the authors do not understand themselves.
Others are sincere attempts to explain the wonderful sensations and spirit
of what we do but do not have the artistic ability to grasp and hold the imagination.
However, a few books are superbly written, full of useful information, and
worthy of being called a classic. Different Loving is a classic. The
authors combine an easy to understand psychological description of the topic
interspersed with quotes from people who live and enjoy it.
Each section covers a different subject matter. It starts with a short introduction
of BDSM including a quick history starting with the Victorian age through
the creation of the modern scene. The next section covers the different aspects
of power from role-play through 24/7 lifestyle arrangements. Sensation is
the next topic with large chapters on corporal punishments, bondage, spanking,
whipping, and intense stimulation. The final sections cover body modification,
fetishism, transgender activities and fluid play.
At over 500 pages with an extensive bibliography and notes section this book
is very lengthy. However, it needs to be large in order to encompass all
of our variety. By covering each topic separately, it does not bog down.
Different Loving is an
enjoyable read. It does not try to preach. It does not teach or explain.
It just describes what we do.
Email me and tell me what you think of this book or your favorite lifestyle
classics at Masterindigo@Netscape.Net
. Board Members
Thanks for the long hours and late nights to keep this show on the road! About Desert DominionWe are a local pansexual, panfetish organization and welcome everyone regardless of orientation, age (18 and above), race, creed, religion, kink, etc. We would like to invite those who are in the lifestyle, new to the scene or just curious about bdsm to come to our events, meet us, socialize with us and learn with us. We are not a dating service or sex club. We do not find partners for people. We exist to support, educate, and socialize with one another in a safe, sane, and consensual domain. Our members possess a variety of years of experience, of education in related lifestyle activities, and have widely diverse interests. New Play Space Search ContinuesWe are still looking for a place in an industrial area or the like with at least 1,000 sq. ft. and not too expensive. We should be ready to lease by the fall. If you hear of a place where we can hold our meetings and parties, please share the information with a board member. Feedback Needed!Once we have our own space (hopefully soon) we will start mini seminars on subjects such as flogging, waxing. play piercing, etc, etc. Actual hands-on to learn how to do all these lovely things that we like to do. The board could use some feedback from you in the area of what you would like to see for educational events--both the two-hour seminars and the HOTs (hands-on training sessions). Also, any other activities that you would like to see sponsored such as discussion or support groups. Treasurer's Report
Web Site Submissions!We have the website live and most of the bugs worked out. We are preparing a section for submissions (writing, you perverts, not the other kind!) of fiction and non-fiction, poetry, reviews, reports on other events. We are also now soliciting interesting links and info to include on the site. Send your suggestions to: We will be setting up a voting form on the by-laws. Please read and think about them, and get ready to give us your feedback. Check the site out often, because it will be changing almost every week! And let us know what you think by giving us your valuable opinions! Events To Watch For(Editor’s note: If you know about events which should be included for the delight and enjoyment of our membership and the general kink community , please send the information to: webmaster@desertdominion.org , or: jwp_shanachie@msn.com ) MunchTuesday, November 6th, we’ll meet at the Broadway Café, (southeast corner of Broadway and Columbus) at 7:00 pm. Dutch treat, this is a chance to introduce yourself to like-minded others and enjoy an evening of conversation and great food! Just a reminder: This is a social event, a group of equals meeting equals to discuss mutual topics of interest. The munch is not the right time to try out your new topping or bottoming skills, or to show off that great new outfit. That's better done in our party settings. The munch is geared to support, making friends, and getting to know others who may well be candidates for play at a later date. Gender OutlawzA monthly discussion group for people of all genders and sexual orientations who wish to discuss issues of gender and society. Every first Tuesday of every month, at Wingspan, 300 E. 6th St. (across from the International Arts Center), 7—9 PM. If you have any questions, feel free to drop Betsy an email at: betsyd1@mindspring.com . November 6 topic: "Gender and Spirituality." SexChatMerryl Sloane hosts this sex-positive conversational free-for-all on the second Friday evening of every month at Wingspan (6th Street and Fifth Avenue, across from the International Arts Center). The topic for the evening is set by attendees. Guaranteed to be an amusing, informative time, $5 at the door. SexplorationMerryl Sloane hosts this sex-positive seminar on the fourth Tuesday evening of every month at Wingspan (6th Street and Fifth Avenue, across from the International Arts Center). The topic for the evening is usually announced at least a week in advance. Check her website at www.GreatSexSecretDesires.com for more details. $5 at the door. November SeminarThe November Seminar will be
Bondage, a subject near and dear to my heart! This will be at 7:00 pm At
the Muse, 516 N. 5th Ave., on November 20. Cost is $5 for members and $8
for non-members. Memberships and renewals are available at the door. November PartyThe November party will held
at another location, so be sure to check! It will be on Saturday, November
24th. The rest of the info is the same as for the October party. D/s SeminarThe first part of November,
there is to be a two-part seminar on D/s with Merryl Sloane. This is by
way of a fundraiser and will be at a higher fee than our regular Seminars.
I have no further info at this time. Check around the 1st, or try her web
site,
www.GreatSexSecretDesires.com
. We'll let you know if we hear anything further. Where to Find Desert Dominion Newsletters
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